Monday, March 14, 2016

Target Try-On & Spring Haul (And the truth about my shopping mania.)

I accidentally went shopping last week.

I don't know what's happening to me, guys. A year ago I was a girl that shopped a little with our tax return, and then again over Labor Day weekend after I was gifted fun birthday money, and that was the extent of my wardrobe expansion.

I have never been a spendy girl. My husband has always been thankful that I wasn't one of those stereotypical wives that need 20 pairs of shoes and each season's new trends EXCEPT THAT I TOTALLY AM NOW. And it's all flowers' fault.'ll see.

It started last Summer, when I lost some weight, and Gap had some sales happening, and also happened to have some slimming tops in stock, and I also noticed a deficit in my collection of shorts (mostly because I only started wearing shorts consistently in the last few years because I hated the way my legs look in them but I no longer GAF.)

I placed an order. And then two. And then there was another sale. And then clothes started coming in, and I happened to look cute in them so I wanted more, and then I started a love affair with Matilda Jane, and then I needed to buy things to compliment my new MJ, and shopping makes me the QUEEN of the run on sentence because I am just. so. excited.

I mean, let's not paint too dramatic of a picture because I have yet to freeze a credit card into a giant block of ice to keep me from using it, though I've clearly read all of the Shopaholic books and what does that say about me?

I've also started every single paragraph with the letter I, and I just did it again (har har) and I have just told you so much about me and shopping and have yet to show you a single thing so yes, maybe call Shopping Addicts Anonymous.

But first, the clothes, though.

It started with Happy & Free's second release, for which I no longer have super-close access (sob, tear, sniffle.) I now have to watch the website like the rest of you suckers!!

ps, the weird face is because I was like hmmmm dream puff or cream puff?
because I feel like a parade float. I ended up sending it back for the XS.

I've gotten pretty darn good at predicting which pieces will be sell-outs, and so I stalked and stalked the Dream Puff Tunic and what everyone was saying about it while I made up my mind about whether or not I liked it. I mean, I totally did - what with the ruffles, and the subtle florals, and the tunic-length, and did I mention the ruffles? But the fact that its main color was orange was making me hesitate. I love orange as a compliment to other colors (like pink, or aqua), but on its own I'm not a big cheerleader. Seeing it paired with jeans and booties and sometimes some wedgey espadrilles and knowing that it likely wouldn't survive its journey to Good Luck Trunk, I had to bite the bullet and pay every last overpriced penny for it.

And you guys, there's something about securing a piece of MJ that makes you NEED to shop more. It doesn't satisfy a craving - it enhances it - so, know that before you decide to hop on the MJC train.

That said, I immediately hopped over to ebay, where I am consistently watching 20 pieces of MJ at a time to see what was happening. And wouldn't ya know it, I was slated to win a Springy tee for $9 - and yes, I did. Which is a steal if you know what these things cost on release day! Knowing that there were two Jenn-friendly pieces of MJ riding on trucks towards my mailbox made me all warm and fuzzy.

That's when Target happened. Dun-dun-duuuuuuuun.

I went there for ONE make-up thing, guys. I'm not even just saying that because that's what everyone says about Target. I needed more powder and was sick of scraping the corners of my current compact, so I had to brave the Tar-get black hole. I walked in, and the freakin' women's section slapped me in the face. FLORALS, GUYS. Like a lot of them. Like almost Matilda Jane-ish in their colors and patterns and cuts. I HAD to see them up close - call me the Target version of Steve Irwin - slowly and cautiously inching towards my subjects so no one gets spooked, or coaxed into doing something wild and crazy.

That's when the fury began. I touched one Springy dress, and before I knew it, hangers were being slung into my cart left and right. I was so instantly clouded that even my two year old shouting, "how about this one, Mommy?" sounded like a perfectly rational reason to add whatever he was pointing at to my "must try it on" pile. I sent out a cry for help to my equally Target-stupid soul mate.

Let us notice that:
1) I was so overwhelmed I was unable to form sentences correctly (the and clothes? Clear case of manic dyslexia) and
2) that she was basically like "let me get a contact high from your pictures." Gah, she just gets me. <3

What's wonderful about shopping at Target before 10am is that there are no dressing room attendants. Which means there's no one with a tiny bit of authority (and they REALLY want to use it on you) to tell you that you have way too many things to try on and you can't go in there with all of that. Yep, I strolled my cart riiiiight up to the changing room door (so as to protect my one spot scores) and went in there with my mountain of stuff. And here's what ensued (other than my toddler asking me over and over again why there were three mirrors):

First, there was this sweater. It was a little too big for me, but I was okay with it because sweaters should be roomy, right? And lots of clothes have that annoying habit of shrinking up a bit when you wash them so if you want a sweater to fit you for the long haul, go big or go home. Which, ya know, applies to shopping in more ways than one. This puppy, I'll have you know, with its RUFFLE, and its subtle floral pattern in the form of texture set me back all of $3.44. Three dollars, and fourty-four cents. TAKE THAT, Target, I win!

So yeah, that came home with me. So did the toddler.

Next came a shirt that I seriously obsessed about for the rest of the day. If it had been warm enough to immediately change into it, I would have left it on and had them awkwardly scan the tag up in my armpit and then refuse to take it off until my next shower. Alas, this is Buffalo, and it was March 4th. This top is the kind of thing I always see on other people's Instagrams and then cannot find it at my Target, or there won't be any left in my size. So not only did I feel like I won the lottery, I got it for 50% off ($10!) because of a buy one get one 50% off sale they had going on. It doesn't get much better. And I mean - the layers, the flowers, the half-sleeves, the girly flowy cut! I'm dead.

So, the thing I bought at full price to get that 50% off was this beauty:

I didn't need it for any other reason than it was really super cute. I realized while attempting to get dressed for a baptism last Spring that I had seriously inappropriate dress up clothes. My dressy wardrobe consisted of maxi skirts (aka, leggings without leg holes) and a single pair of 15 year old polyester work pants that were totally cool and acceptable to wear to my receptionist job at a car dealership in 2002.

My lifestyle for the last decade caused me to get rid of my professional attire and stock up on things like hoodies and jeans and fancy sweat pants. So I've been working to build up my stock of dresses and the like for the times that, ya know, I have to leave the house and not look one step above hobo. I've done pretty well - Matilda Jane dresses are becoming a weakness for me. It's just that if I'm ever invited to an event that requires clothes that aren't covered in pink flowers, I'm still kind of screwed. Well, before Friday I was, because that's why this navy beauty came home with me. Quick, someone invite me to something!

The rest of my try-ons were fails, but were still cute enough to share.

I have this top in an olive green that I bought in Fall and wore it all the time. It shrunk a little though (darn you, shrink!) and it's slightly uncomfortable to wear now. I loved it for a hot minute, though, so I really thought I'd go crazy in this coral but it a) was totally see-through and b) was like a mumu when I sized up, and I don't think the inevitable shrinking would do enough to fix that. So it was a nope. See, even my mouth is like, mmmmmmno.

This tank...sigh. I loved it and hated it. It's super adorable, I loooove pink and grey together, and the lace overlay is gorge. It felt like it wasn't fitting quite right, and sizing up would make it worse, and the back was totally failing with my bra, so I put it back. If it sticks around for a bit, I might change my mind.

Okay, so this dress. It was this floral pattern that drew me to the clothes in the first place, but it totally didn't work for me. It looks cute enough with the jeans and boots combo, but it couldn't stand alone. By itself it made me look like pale weirdo, and without the jeans making the blue in the pattern pop, it looked really flat. I wanted to love it, I really really reallllllly did. Looking at it right now is making me think, "who cares if you can only wear it with jeans pretend it's a super long tunic" and I want to drive over to target right now and get it. Did I make a horrible mistake?!

This dress so almost came home with me. It came in a coral color, too, but this blue suited me a lot better. I REALLY like it, but I felt like the back wasn't as flattering as the front, so I didn't do it.

Another thing I fell for but didn't take home:

Swooooon. I actually decided against it because I felt like it would get in the way of my FitBit, but I totally want to go back and get this. If there's any sort of jewelry cartwheel anytime soon, I'm getting it. I also clearly need a new manicure, stop it.

Oh, and - when I agreed to take my kids out of school next month for a trip to Florida, I made a deal with my husband that involved me getting to buy some vacation-y clothes from Good Luck Trunk. (I know, it's a PROBLEM!) When they arrived and I tried them on I was like, seriously I need some new wedges because mine broke at the end of last Summer like a couple of jerks. And Target just happened to get some in sooo I got those, too. (PS, the mirror smear is totally not my fault this time!)

That seriously should have been the end of my shopping escapades, but it wasn't. I couldn't stop thinking about these tropical patterned leggings I'd seen, and how cute they'd be with my Florida clothes. I almost messaged the girl who had them to ask if I could buy them on three separate occasions, but somehow managed to control myself. That is, until I finished shopping on Friday, and NEEDED to complete my vacation wardrobe. I messaged her minutes after my Target episode. She lives legit a street away from me, so I told her I'd come pick them up, and she invited me to an open house where she'd have all sorts of adorable leggings and other things for me to fall in love with. Ya know, I was being stupid, so I said yes.

So I went and secured my tropical leggings, and ended up with two more pair. I couldn't help it - I saw more flowers and more pink and I was dead. (Again.)

Here you go, Target, and Matilda Jane, and LulaRoe, and Gap and Old Navy and American Eagle (plus every other clothing company): the secret to making a total sucker out of me. If you want my money, put a flower on whatever you're selling. SOLD!

So you see why Spring shopping is becoming a problem for me, right?

Let me see your spring loves! (So I can buy them, too. Things with flowers on them, plz.)

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