I can't even tell you how many times I've sat down and crafted big plans, only to have life swoop in and mess it all up. I get sick, or my kids do, or my husband gets injured, or I get assigned to something on the single day I can't do something, or something very on sale goes back up to full price the same day I get paid. Big or small - it happens relentlessly.
Many times I say, ah forget it, wasn't meant to be. And in certain cases it's justified. But too many times I've been thrown a curve ball and then given up when I really shouldn't have.
I started this year with a ton of motivation and ambition and focus, and my plans for January are tough and well beyond my comfort zone. They're scary in an exciting way. I was SO READY to obliterate them!!! But of course....something got in the way.
Monday was my first day to wake up at 5:30 and execute my new morning routine and I was actually excited to do it. I slept awfully that night, and despite having a cup of tea and some time to come around, I could not get myself to wake up fully. I started my workout anyway (Pilates), and tried my hardest - but my body was really struggling. I could hardly even do the modified workouts. I was shaking and stumbling all over myself, and during the planks (which I can't do because of my diastasis so I usually replace them with tummy-safe exercises) I crashed to the floor and nearly dozed off. My husband kept coming by and encouraging me, and I was too zombi-fied to even explain - this wasn't an up at 5:30 thing, this was something else.
Aside from the plank series snooze I took, I somehow finished my workout, got ready for the day, and got the kids and I out the door for preschool drop-off. I dragged myself through the rest of the day - picking up one son, then the other, putting the littlest to bed for a nap, and finally putting myself to bed. As I laid there during naptime, I started getting chills and aches and unmistakable fever-yuck. And that is where (and how) I remained for two more days.
It, was, awful. And even more than the usual awful fevers bring because I'd been working out for four days before it struck and my body was already sore. Muscle soreness and fever aches combined into a horrible sort of agony. I could hardly sleep because no position was comfortable and my body temperature was flying to extremes.
me, struggling to adult, right before the fever hit.
you can almost see the "you've got to be kidding me" in my eye
As I started to emerge from the fog (because in the middle of all that, all I could think about was not feeling like that), I started to get angry about my goals falling apart. Ironically, when my post about not giving up on your resolutions published, I was lying in bed......not working on my resolutions. It just figures! It's always something.
I watched my husband's heart sink when he was days away from earning his first belt in tae kwon do and he had to have emergency surgery with a month+ recovery time afterward. Not only could he not earn his belt, he'd have to work back up to it all over again (spoiler alert: he did.) No one's going to give me a belt or a badge or a gold star for working out for 31 days in a row, but I really would have loved to give myself a huge pat on the back for it. His suggestion for me (totally understanding my frustration) is to just build my missed days into February. And I will - but I'm stubbornly bummed about all the days not being consecutive. Grumble grumble.
I'm trying to be careful and respectful of my body's recovery and limits so I don't know yet if I'm jumping back on the train this morning or tomorrow morning (either way, the right number of days will be added to February.) I've still been very tired as I slowly regain my strength, and I'm scared to have a setback. Gah, this was the longest week ever - I certainly don't want to extend it. But I WILL continue on with my January goals and regain my original passion.
Netflix totally counts as a challenge, #thestruggleisreal #makingamurder
I really wanted to sit down today and talk about not saying goodbye to your goals just because something tried to mess them up for you, because I feel like I could really use this pep-talk myself. Like, a couple times a week. For real. There are always challenges - big/small, temporary/permanent, out of our control/our own mistake - and they all just make you want to throw up your hands and say screw it. Things are always going to get in our way.
But let's keep doing scary things and change that about 2016, hmm? I promise to help you out and cheer for you as you soar past your challenges - however you chose to!
Enjoy the heck out of your weekend - see you next week!