The day I finally committed to doing the 21 day fix, I was SO motivated and excited.
In fact, it was the day I started this blog.
It was more than improving my health or body, though. I was excited for the group my coach would be hosting this month, excited to be claiming some time and effort for MYSELF (a luxury I don't often afford myself), and motivated to let this to spill into all corners of my life.
I went back and forth about it for a long time. It was tough for me to make the financial commitment - not because I didn't value it, but because I'm so tired of the idea of a diet. I know the 21 day fix is more meant to be training and habit-setting for a lifestyle, and not a diet (as we commonly call such things), but really - it's a regimented plan for nutrition, and thus, a diet. Having to be on one for a while during the months I had Gestational Diabetes made me really exhausted by the idea. I hated planning and preparing for every single thing I even considered eating. An hour after my baby was in my arms, I totally abandoned it and never looked back because I just didn't want to THINK about eating any more.
Once a habit is set, thinking isn't quite as required, I know. But doing the fix would be a lot of thinking and preparing, and it was hard to want to do it. I told myself that I knew enough about nutrition and could find my way to enough resources to put a mock version together for myself. If I was successful, I could avoid the risk of the cost, and do better on my own. I even started looking for meal replacement shakes that were similar to Shakeology.
I sort of got a little somewhere. I set a few habits that were making a difference in how I felt from day to day. It's just that, with me making the rules, it was incredibly easy to bend them, and my commitment and ideas were sort of chaotic and sloppy, and I wanted more. I was looking into the specifics of adrenal fatigue, and not only wanted to reverse the possibility of me having that, but wanted to generally be healthier going into my later adult years. Now's the time, hmm?
And despite the exhaustion of the GD diet, I can't deny that I was at my physical peak - despite being VERY pregnant. That's not to say that I was fit, athletic, or had any sort of endurance, but that I was properly fueling my body for, quite possibly, the first time ever, and I not only felt THE BEST I ever had, I had the most energy, slept the best, my skin was smooth and clear and break-out free, and my mood was sky-high.
Why wouldn't I want that again, even if it meant 3 weeks of hard work?
I remember the feeling right after I submitted my order - rather than the buyers remorse I expected to have over $130 milkshakes, I was invigorated. It was like I had this little secret, traveling its way to my house, coming to turn my life into something amazing.
I made the mistake of ordering my kit just before a holiday weekend, though, so the promised 2-5 day shipping was made significantly longer. In fact, today marks 1 week since I placed my order, and it's not supposed to arrive for another 2-3 days. I'm not totally disheartened by this, because I planned on not starting until the end of this week, anyway - wanting both birthday party leftovers and our visiting family (that we dine with often while they're in town) to be gone before I buckled down and cut things out of my daily life.
But this has added more than a couple days onto my plan - I need time with my kit to figure out how many containers I need each day, research and create a meal plan, go grocery shopping, do some prep food, and clear things out of my fridge and pantry that could possibly sabotage my success.
And waiting, waiting, and waiting is dulling my drive.
I tried to stick to a few simple rules.
1. Ice water first thing when I wake up.
2. Eggs, turkey bacon, and 1/2 banana for breakfast.
3. Coffee only after I was done with 1&2, and had accomplished something around the house.
4. Snacks should only be greek yogurt, or cottage cheese (with or without fruit).
5. Protein with lunch.
6. Low/complex carbs overall.
7. SMALL servings of dessert when we have it.
That was working mostly well. Especially when we were taking our daily walks, which have sort of petered out after nearly 2 months of total success. The killer? Having all 3 kids at home, and no sidewalks. That had always been my excuse - the no sidewalks and busy road, have to drive somewhere for a walk, thing - but we made it happen all spring because I was usually out running errands and/or down 1-2 kids. We fit it into our lives so easily. It's so hard to make it happen with all 3 at home, and trying to stick to a summer schedule that benefits THEM more than it does me. Honestly, it helps us all, but it's in place for their success. It's designed to keep their school skills sharp, get them outside (instead of in front of screens all day), and teaching them about responsibility and money (with chores and allowance). They still get plenty of free/play/summer fun time, but in order to make time for that AND all of the "work" stuff, our days are pretty full. Throwing a daily walk into our lives would make it too hard to accomplish everything.
But it's not just the walks' fault. It's that I love being lazy about food. I love just walking to the fridge and grabbing the first thing that doesn't need any prep. It's that I love coffee & chocolate SO, SO much, and I'll take anyway I can rationalize it into my day.
I need the structure of of the 21df to help me get on track, and I need it to get here before I lose all of that kick-ass attitude I had when I hit submit on my order. Because, for real? I've had cupcakes for breakfast for 2 days now. I ate liquid cheese in two forms yesterday. I had 2 oreos for lunch yesterday, and a handful of dark chocolate raisinets for lunch today.