I'm turning 30 next week.
Sighh. It's true! Though if you ask me how old I am at any point from here on out, I will tell you I am eternally 29 years and 11 months.
I'm fully expecting a backlash of comments on how I should be appreciating or relishing this milestone, and I get it. I'm of the "live life to the fullest" mindset, but give me 5 seconds to process, k?
As boringly responsible of a person I tend to be, I am still quite immature at heart. I have a 12 year old boy's sense of humor thanks to a decade of exposure to my husband, I still hesitate when ordering alcohol (and I feel like someone is waiting to be like, "AH HA! You're going to jail!" whenever I buy or order any, despite that it's perfectly legal), I like to think that my parents assume my children were created by Immaculate Conception, and I feel extremely inadequate and almost like I'm just pretending to be an adult around the other parents at my kid's schools.
So, all of that is to say - I don't feel like 30 suits me.
I think I'm an eternal 25 year old. Maybe younger.
It doesn't help that I don't pass for 30, either. I've mentioned this before, but just a couple years ago - whenever Magic Mike was in theaters, I was carded to buy a movie ticket. You do realize that means I was mistaken for a 16 year old. I was 28. Helloooo.
So my fear is not totally over aging - I think that panic will be 1,000 times worse when it's 40 I'm facing. It's more an insecurity over feeling like I don't think I can play the part.
Ohh, I know, I'm ridiculous about that sort of thing. I'm working on it. GOSH!
(See Here: So Naked.)
(And Here: On Being You, All The Way.)
(PS, I also still quote Napolean Dynamite, The Office, and It's Always Sunny, and get totally nerd-obsessed about nerd-obsessy things, and that feels awfully youthful to me as well.)
Last Summer, I felt the push of this impending milestone, and I felt like - holy crap, you guys, there's a lot of catching up I need to do. I've never tasted thai food? I haven't done any proper documenting of my family? I haven't seen or learned about much of our country outside of New York State? What kind of almost-30 year old am I?
So I made this list.
And I failed miserably.
It was off to a great start - the first two months were all motivated and exciting. But then I had a baby, and he changed my life (as each of my children have, and only they know how to do), and my list was pushed WAY behind all of the other life things and jobs and projects I try to juggle.
In May, I felt sort of panicked about my list and I tried to make a schedule that would help me get it all done. But nope. Real life won out again.
But, I did make progress with a lot of them, and here is what I DID fully accomplish:
3. Make 10 different "works of art" (okay, decorative crafts) to hang in the house. I probably exceeded this one!
16. Try food from misc countries/cultures that we've never tried before, take out or make at home. Include Indian, Japanese, Thai, Korean. Not only did Matt get really into this goal of mine, these nights were special date nights, and now we LOVE Indian!
22. Make a freezer meal plan and have enough frozen dinners for 1-2 weeks after baby #3 gets here (I've always wanted to try freezer cooking!). This was totally awesome, and I think I might do some version of it every fall/winter!
29. Learn embroidery - study the most commonly use stitches (and some other cool/useful ones) and practice them. Make something using multiple methods. I don't know that I could take a pop quiz and whip out every stitch you shouted to me without looking some of them up, but I've gotten pretty darn good at this, if I do say so myself! And I LOVE it!!!
I love setting goals, crossing items off lists, collecting experience, and expanding my horizons, but I am TERRIBLE with a timeline. HORRIBLE. And it may have taken me a lot of life to figure that all out, but it's time I start working with that more.
So in exchange for my 30 by 30 list, or an updated timed list (even a 101 in 1001 is too timed for me), I've created a lifetime list. I don't know if you'd call this a bucket list, because I don't have anything profound on it, necessarily. But they are all things I would like to experience and put some of my time into.
If you're interested, you can find that here: The List
You'll notice that it's not finished, because I want it to be more dynamic - adding things, completing things, and growing with my lifestyle and interests. THAT, is what suits me!
What's on your list?