* * * * * * * * * * * * *I had my 2-week check up with the specialist today, and I have mixed feelings about it. For starters, they always have students working on me and it makes me uncomfortable. I KNOW they all have to start somewhere, but it's just frustrating when you're so uncomfortable and stressed during pregnancy things like this and you have someone fumbling to check your blood pressure and measure your belly like they've never seen one before. Or to have to sit through a slew of questions you've already answered for the med student that came before them. And even harder is when they nervously stutter through the q&a's and leave you feeling more confused and nervous than helped and informed.
I ended up seeing the PA after the med students were done with me, and never actually saw the doctor. I heard his commentary through the paper-thin walls, though, and his attitude came across as "I'm going to let all these semi-professionals do my job for me while I sit back and bark out criticisms". I don't know, hormones? Maybe. But the whole bedside manner aspect didn't thrill me this time. And by the way, how can they expect a pregnant woman that's as far along as I am to fit on an old-school scale? Ya know, the non-digital ones? My belly hits the pole before my feet fully make it on. In a couple more weeks, I won't fit on it at all, unless they let me stand sideways!
And the results of this meeting? Not what I hoped. I really thought they'd see my fabulous numbers and say something like...wow, you might not have GD after all! Or, okay, you can allow yourself a few more carbs, you'll be fine. They were happy with my numbers - even impressed that my fasting numbers are that of someone without GD. But they aren't willing to let me ease up in the least. In fact, I had to quivery-lip ask if they'd let me test less often, and the best I got was "okay, sure, you can do it twice a day but if you get a high reading, do it all 4 times the next day". Am I thankful to stab myself 50% less of the time? Spend less money on the $40 refills of supplies I need to constantly take my blood sugar? To not have to watch the clock ALL day long? Yes, of course. It's better than nothing. I'm trying to be thankful, but I had higher hopes. And as well as I've settled into this diet, I'm starting to miss things A LOT! It's this season. Pumpkin spice lattes and muffins are out, and there's a chill in the air that makes you want to cozy up to the fire at Panera with a real hot chocolate. Seeing people indulge in these things without me is torture. And since I can't bear to tell them all that's going on with me, they still talk to me about it and invite me to join in, and I have to make up some lame excuse about how I don't want it when I'd really saw off a pinkie for it at this point.
It took a month, but I have come to see the positives to this situation. It's just that now, entering my favorite of all seasons & wishing I could celebrate all the way, it's become sad to me. I miss my life. It's fall! No caramel apples? No peppermint mochas? No apple crisp made from apples we picked ourselves? I can't even eat the apples themselves! It's such a hard pill for me to swallow. I told my husband that when this is all over, I'm going to have a last hurrah before I officially start weight watchers to drop the baby weight. It's going to involve caramel lattes, scones, cupcakes, chocolate, and whatever else my heat desires. By that time, it'll have been 3+ months without any of it. And I want a little celebration to make up for lost time.
It's also getting tiring, trying to figure out what to eat all the time. As you've already seen, my daily meals are pretty boring (as in, they rarely ever change) and once in a while I get sick of the monotony and just want something different. But trying to be creative when you're stuck in this little box of meat and veggies and a tiny bit of carbs is really hard. Since I have to think about it at every meal, I sometimes make it to dinner and throw my hands up in frustration. Which of course leaves my husband to take the reigns, and he gets so frustrated trying to make decisions for me when all of his suggestions end up not being worthy of a GD diet. It's certainly incredibly eye opening for both of us, because a standard American diet is so chock full of sugar and carbs that it's no wonder that regular diabetes is becoming such an epidemic! But it's even more frustrating for us, because, hey - we live in America. And everything and everyone around us is programmed in a way that we can no longer live. And I say it that way, because apparently I'm now 30% more likely to have problems with diabetes in the future (something I seriously dread), so I just can't see being able to go back to the way things were once this baby is here. At least not all the way.
Anyway, here we go again...more of the same. Another two weeks to get through and put behind me, and we'll see where I come out at the end of it.
If you didn't already see up above - I'll be taking next Tuesday off for Christmas Eve! GD Posts will resume on the 31st :)