Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dear Luke (15 Weeks Gestational Age)

Dear Baby,
July 25, 2008

I haven't written to you in a while, and I feel so guilty about that. I've been a very busy mommy! Though you aren't aware of it, you've taken 2 trips back to Buffalo with us this summer. It's been pretty crazy!

You're just about "3 months old" now, based on the date of conception. But I get a little confused about what to say when people ask me how far along I am. For example, if someone asked me today, I'd say I'm 15 weeks. They get this look on their face, and then ask me, "well, no, how many months are you?". It's strange how medically, the timing of pregnancy is so well-known to anyone who has been pregnant, yet as a population...people are still viewing it in terms of months. So, to put it in their terms...am I three months because of your age since conception? Or am I 3.5 months based on the simple math they could probably do themselves based on the number of weeks I say? Oye. It's more complicated than it needs to be!

But, one thing remains certain - I am in the second trimester now! I'm so excited about that for so many reasons. Firstly, at my last appointment I was told the chance of having a miscarriage is now less than 1%. It has eased my fears - and your daddy's! It's hard, trying not to worry while going through the 1st trimester and knowing the stats. We just want you in our lives so badly, the uncertainty of those first 12 weeks is so scary.

Secondly, I'm really excited that I'm starting to show! It's one thing to tell people that you're pregnant, but then having the belly to show for it is just....I don't know, thrilling almost! I get this physical awareness that you are, indeed, in there. Your daddy loves seeing my belly. He kisses it all the time and says "How are you baby?", or "My baby is in there!!".

And third, I am SO EXCITED about everything that happens this trimester! It's like the Christmas of pregnancy! I am so excited to be able to feel your movements! It's hard to believe you're about 4 inches now and I can't really feel you yet. But I should be able to in just another couple of weeks. I can't wait for that! In about 3 more weeks, we get to find out if you are a boy or a girl!!! It hardly seems possible that you will even be big enough for us to tell - but I tend to forget how quickly you grow! There were only 3 weeks between our first 2 sonograms, and in that short time you went from something that looked like a kidney bean with arm & leg buds, to a true baby figure with facial features and limbs! We saw you waving to us! :) It's the most incredible experience, seeing you on that screen - knowing that you're in there, moving around and growing strong - beating your own little heart and getting your organs to function. I cried last time I saw you, and I'm sure I will again.

Of course, I'm also excited for some of the symptoms the 2nd trimester takes away. I've been sick every morning for the last 9 weeks...and that should be easing up soon. I'm also looking forward to having a little more energy. It's already started in random spurts. I'll get an hour or two here or there where I actually feel capable of doing more than taking a nap or eating my 6th meal of the day :)

Your Grandma bought you your first article of clothing! She went to Las Vegas last month and brought you back a onesie. Your Aunt **** sent us all sorts of goodies for your arrival! They are all things your cousins **** & ***** used as babies. It's exciting to see all of the stuff that is accumulating for your arrival - it makes it so real! In just another 3-4 weeks we'll start really cracking down on getting ready for you. I want to do as much as I can this trimester before I get big and really uncomfortable. I've already started clearing out the closet in what will be your bedroom, and as soon as we know if you're a boy or a girl...we'll collect more hand-me-downs, and then decide what's left to buy & register for. I'm getting really excited about doing that stuff!

Lately I've been having dreams about you. One time you were a boy, and another time you were a girl. So...I can't really decide if they are hints to what you are. I just had a dream the other night - in it you were slightly older. Probably somewhere around 8-9 months. I remember seeing you smile and coo and babble and I just felt so in love. I woke up wishing I was closer to meeting you. I know the months will go by quickly, and I shouldn't wish them away...but I am just so anxious to meet you. I am so ready to be your mommy!

I really shouldn't get too anxious! I can hardly believe that by the time August is over, I'll be just about half way done with this pregnancy, and half way to meeting you! August is a pretty big month for me. Your daddy & I celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary on the 11th! We find out if you're a boy or a girl on the 19th! And I turn 24 on the 31st.

I just can't believe in just about 3 weeks from now I will know if you are my little son or daughter! I can't wait to know!!

The other day your daddy and I were talking about your arrival. He told me that he is a little afraid of the infant stage because of how fragile you will be. I told him that babies are a lot stronger than people give them credit for, and he will do just fine! He told me that he's happy he'll have me to help him with that time because I've had more experience with babies than he has. But I think - the first time he sees your little face in person, he will forget all of those jitters.

Well baby! You keep up the good work in there!! Your daddy & I can't wait to see you in another 3 weeks! Hopefully I'll even be able to feel you by then!

Lots and lots and lots and lots of LOVE!!!,
Mommy

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